A quick how-to guide on how to survive these specific scenarios during your first two weeks living abroad.
Have a Internet addiction? Can’t kick your social media habit or your obsession with cat videos? Solution: move to a foreign country and be sure to live in an apartment with no Internet connection. Even if you try to get a connection set up and sign a contract with an Internet provider, you are sure to hear, “Technic will come to house in few days. Will depend on his schedule.” By the time the “technic” shows up at your door, you will have already successfully endured a two-week withdrawal from contact with the digital world. At this time the Internet will be nothing more than a fading memory of something you used to waste your time on when you were much younger.
Not sure about how to get acquainted with whom you share a wall? Too shy to stroll over and pound on the door to introduce yourself? There is a simple solution. First, allow your dog to drink an absurd amount of water. Then, get caught up in house hold chores, preferably something like vacuuming so that it is difficult to hear anything over the roar of the appliance. Proceed to allow your thoughts to wander as you carry on this mindless task, however, do not allow your mind to drift to the whereabouts of your furry roommate. Be sure to carry on this activity long enough that your dog has absolutely no option but trot over to the neighbor’s balcony to fully relieve himself. This technique is very effective if your four-legged friend has a sensitive bladder and is guaranteed to have your neighbors come running over to pound on your door!
Ever have your delicates run over by a car? If not, you’re truly denying yourself of a fulfilling experience. Not quite sure how to achieve this? Take note. First, choose a particularly breezy day. Second, do a load of laundry. *The more undies you throw in, the higher the probability of success will be. Third, do not, and I cannot stress this enough, DO NOT buy a drying rack to hang your clothes. Drying racks are typical in Europe since it is uncommon to have a clothes dryer in your apartment but DO NOT give in to temptation. Fourth, hang all of your clothes, tighty-whities included, on the railing of your balcony. Fifth, sit back and watch as a strong gust of wind sends your unmentionables sailing through the sky, then landing them softly in the busy driveway of the parking lot. Sixth, listen as the tires of tiny European cars go screeching across your undergarments one by one. If you’re lucky, they might even make it all the way to the street!
Being the “stay at home” person in the relationship has its perks. Errands, however, is not one of them. Sick of running to the store, walking the dogs, and going grocery shopping? There is an incredibly, effortless solution. Luckily, doors in Europe lock from the inside and outside and can only be unlocked using a key from either side. The key is the key. Since there are multiple ways to lock a european door, you just need to make sure your significant other unknowingly locks the door from the outside in a brand new way. If done correctly, you will be unable to use your key from the inside to get out of the apartment. Essentially, you will be locked in your home for the entire day, making it impossible to complete any outside tasks. The real thrill lies in the fact that neither one of you really grasps how this locking mechanism functions. Therefore, this lock down could spontaneously occur at anytime, alleviating you at anytime from the monotonous task of errand-running.