Upon arriving in Poland, I began to genuinely feel like I was finally enjoying my life the way I wanted. While enjoying my weekends having a pint or cup of coffee in the main square, I couldn’t help but look around and feel fulfilled, completely relaxed, and in touch with the world. My mind wasn’t lingering into thoughts about work, life, or anything else besides taking in exactly what was going on around me. It felt amazing.
Shortly after arriving, my creative side began to come out again. Because my mind was focused on positive thoughts and I was generally happier, I was able to focus more on accomplishing the things I wanted and loved. So I signed up for Salsa classes, travelled to Berlin, climbed a mountain in the Czech Republic, went coffee cupping a.k.a coffee tasting, tried over 30 different European beers, and, among other things, visited my aunt in Spain who I haven’t seen in over 10 years. My life felt amazing. I loved everything about my new life. Finally, I was actually living it!
In the midst of this “high”, I suddenly began to think, why haven’t I lived like this all my life? What decisions have I made that have delayed me in getting to this point? I already knew the answer. In the past, I never stopped and asked myself what made me happy. I was just going with what everyone else expected me to do: go to college, become successful at my job and make money, get married, raise a family, buy a house and fancy car, and die. What a waste a time! Well, for me that is. It’s never what I wanted and that’s not how I want to live my life. Frankly, had I asked myself this question years ago I would’ve never gone to college. I probably would’ve travelled the world instead.
This led me to question other decisions I made in the past, my current beliefs, and even my personality. Afterall, since all my life I was just “going with the flow” and allowing myself to be easily influenced by society, who am I really? And that’s when I really began to question everything. Literally, everything. I felt, and still feel, unstable and even lost sometimes. I thought I knew who I was and now I realized I’m actually not the person I thought I was. It’s like I am rebooting myself and starting all over. Believe me, it’s scary as heck.
I never expected this to happen and it came without warning. In all of the research I did before coming here, I never found a slight hint at the possibility of this happening, yet I am sure plenty of other travellers have experienced the same thing!
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still absolutely happy to be here and I don’t regret coming, but a warning would’ve been awesome.
Travellers and non-travellers alike, have you been through this or a similar situation? How did you deal with it? I would love to hear from you.